• TO BEGIN WITH, COULD YOU DESCRIBE THE PHENOMENON OF STALKING IN PROFESSIONAL TERMS? WHAT ARE ITS DISTINCTIVE FEATURES – IN PARTICULAR, HOW DOES IT DIFFER FROM UNWANTED INSISTENCE OR COURTSHIP – AND WHAT ARE THE MAIN PSYCHOLOGICAL AND SOCIAL CONSEQUENCES FOR THE VICTIM?

What we call stalking is first and foremost a persecutory act, that is, an obsessive and insistent behaviour repeated over time which is potentially harmful to those who suffer it and for the people close to them. It may manifest in various more or less evident ways, such as following someone, sending an excessive number of messages, or making continuous phone calls; the stalker, however, often hides behind the most unsuspected identities and gestures. The stalker’s identity is in fact often associated with an unknown or barely known person who, for unhealthy reasons, begins to carry out persecutory acts towards another. What we miss, however, is that a large portion of stalking offences are committed by partners or ex-partners, therefore by people intimately close to the victim. A mode of action that is seldom considered but worthy of attention is, in fact, showering someone with gifts: an excess of attention and “care”, such as giving objects, may conceal the trap of control and the obsession typical of these abusers.
In any case, what follows is an inevitable decline in the victim’s quality of life, who in many cases is forced to change their social habits (for example, they might decide never to walk home alone again but to be driven by a trusted person) and, above all, to deal with psychological symptoms, mostly of an anxious nature, due to the constant state of alert. Among such symptoms we find, for example, paranoia, generalised anxiety disorder, constant fear, or even Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Last but not least, remember that stalking is a CRIME and is punishable by imprisonment.

• TALK OR STALK? IS BASED ON THE IDEA THAT ABUSE HIDES IN THE SEQUENCE OF AMBIGUOUS ACTIONS RATHER THAN IN A SINGLE GESTURE, A PRINCIPLE SIMULATED BY HAVING TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THREE OPTIONS ON AN ACTION CARD THAT CAN BE INTERPRETED IN DIFFERENT WAYS. FROM A PSYCHOLOGICAL POINT OF VIEW, WHAT IS THE EXACT MECHANISM THAT TRANSFORMS INDIVIDUALLY HARMLESS ACTS – SUCH AS A MESSAGE OR A SHORT WAIT – INTO A SERIOUS THREAT THAT UNDERMINES A VICTIM’S SAFETY AND SENSE OF CONTROL?

The line separating normality from abuse is the repetition over time of obsessive and insistent acts aimed at exercising control over a person: for example, it may be a kind gesture to send a message to one’s partner when they have been out with friends, asking whether they have returned home safely. Abuse begins when messages become serial and insistent, such as: “When are you coming back?”; “Why are you still out?” “Will you stop going out with those people? I’ve never liked them”; “If you come home late I won’t make you breakfast for a week”; “Are you there?!”; “Of course, when you go out with them you completely forget about me…”; – missed call –; “Call me back as soon as possible”; “Don’t you love me anymore?”; and so on, in a crescendo of attention-seeking and victim-playing to ensure that the victim remains confined within the abuser’s range of power. As shown in the example, the content of these messages often takes the form of psychological blackmail aimed at making the victim appear responsible for the abuser’s unhappiness.

• THE GAME USES GROUP DISCUSSION AND THE ASSIGNING OF A ‘RED FLAG’ TO TEACH PLAYERS TO VALIDATE SUSPICIOUS BEHAVIOURS. IN REALITY, HOW IMPORTANT IS IT THAT THE VICTIM (AND THOSE AROUND THEM) DO NOT MINIMISE EARLY WARNING SIGNS? AND HOW CAN THE SUPPORT NETWORK ACTIVELY PROVIDE THE VALIDATION NECESSARY TO COUNTER THE VICTIM’S DOUBTS AND FEELINGS OF ISOLATION?

The social and friendship network, in a suspected case of stalking, can be not only helpful but vital (given the tragic consequences that the phenomenon of stalking may bring). Often an external eye can be the key to seeing beyond the victim’s “blindness”, caused for example by the feelings they have for the abuser. It is also worth remembering that stalking never begins in its most evident forms: it is a subtle phenomenon that hides within the most natural gestures and, even more worryingly, within those behaviours that are socially accepted as “loving” and “caring”. The attentive eye of a trusted person (who is able to see beyond the misleading generosity of a budding stalker) is an excellent tool that the victim has to perceive what is happening to them with more objective judgement.

• STALKING IS OFTEN INVISIBLE FROM THE OUTSIDE AND DIFFICULT TO RECOGNISE. HOW DOES THE ABSENCE OF SOCIAL VALIDATION — THE FACT THAT AMBIGUOUS BEHAVIOURS ARE OFTEN DISMISSED AS ‘LOVING INSISTENCE’ — HARM THE VICTIM INTERNALLY, DRIVING THEM TO DOUBT THEIR PERCEPTION AND UNDERMINING THEIR SELF-ESTEEM AND ABILITY TO SEEK HELP?

As already mentioned, acts of stalking, especially in their early stages, are socially considered a form of love and care, and it is not always easy to perceive the abuser’s obsessive nature. Unfortunately, even the victim’s circle of friends may fail to notice warning signs of stalking behaviour and may even reinforce the beliefs of love and care that the victim attributes to the stalker. For example, a comment like: “Your partner is really thoughtful! I wish I had someone who comes to pick me up with the car whenever I have to go out!” might further convince a stalking victim of the abuser’s innocence.
However, as such behaviours intensify and become very invasive, the victim often finds themselves in a state of Cognitive Dissonance (L. Festinger), that is, a state of agitation and anxiety caused by two conflicting beliefs (such as the idea that one’s partner is caring and at the same time too intrusive). The victim is very frustrated and most of the time tries to find further clues to prove that the abuser behaves that way out of love, apparently resolving the cognitive dissonance. This is why victims of stalking do not report the obsessive behaviours they suffer: friends are calm, even delighted by the stalker’s caring actions, as is society as a whole. On the other hand, those who have the courage to say ‘NO’ and report the violence suffered often face negligence or blame from those who should protect them. “You’re not being threatened in any way, can’t you see that this person just cares about you?”; “We can’t do anything if this person hasn’t committed any violent act against you.”

• TALK OR STALK? IS A ROLE-PLAYING GAME BASED ON IMPERSONATION: PLAYERS SECRETLY DRAW ONE OF SEVEN DIFFERENT PERSONALITY CARDS WITH PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILES RANGING FROM HARMLESS TO AMBIGUOUS, UP TO THE EDGE OF ABUSE, PLUS THE SINGLE STALKER CARD. PLAYERS MUST ACT ACCORDING TO THE ASSIGNED PERSONALITY BY PERFORMING ACTIONS. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT THIS IMMERSION IN DIFFERENT ROLES – INCLUDING THAT OF THE STALKER – CAN INCREASE EMPATHY TOWARDS VICTIMS (BY MAKING THE EXPERIENCE OF SUSPICION MORE IMMEDIATE) AND SIMULTANEOUSLY IMPROVE THE UNDERSTANDING OF MANIPULATION AND ABUSE DYNAMICS (TYPICAL OF STALKER TACTICS)?

Absolutely yes. The variety of the cards gives a taste of the many personalities a stalker may have; however, it is important to include a disclaimer: the game must encourage open reflection among players, not paranoia; an ambiguous personality does not necessarily imply the identity of a stalker. It is all about investigating with judgement and awareness, without falling into paranoia or blind trust. It is a true simulation of real life, with open discussion among players, which, just like in reality, encourages dialogue and interpersonal reflection.

• SINCE STALKING FORCES THE VICTIM TO CHANGE THEIR HABITS, CREATING A FORM OF LOSS OF CONTROL OVER THEIR PERSONAL SPACE – HOW DEVASTATING IS THE PSYCHOLOGICAL IMPACT OF THIS FORCED CHANGE AND THE CONSTANT SENSE OF THREAT ON MENTAL HEALTH (FOR EXAMPLE, IN TERMS OF CHRONIC STRESS, ANXIETY OR PTSD)?

The impact of stalking can be truly devastating for a person. As mentioned earlier, the victim may begin to change many of their social and personal habits due to the constant threat to their safety. Their sense of self-efficacy begins to waver and, to compensate for this lack, the victim may seek the company of trusted people to continue performing their tasks, risking losing their autonomy. They may also develop paranoid or obsessive behaviours such as repeatedly looking behind them during a walk, changing the door lock or even reinforcing it, changing phone number, blocking the stalker on every social platform and so on.
From a psychological point of view, such an experience may cause severe anxiety-related issues, such as chronic tachycardia, the aforementioned paranoia, or, in the case of a past stalking episode, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Moreover, people close to the victim, such as family members, also suffer (more or less directly) from the stalker’s actions, thus contaminating the victim’s entire social network.

• IN CONCLUSION, GIVEN THE INTERACTIVE AND NON-JUDGEMENTAL NATURE OF THE GAME, DO YOU BELIEVE THAT A PLAYFUL TOOL LIKE TALK OR STALK? CAN BE EFFECTIVE, COMPARED WITH TRADITIONAL EDUCATIONAL METHODS, IN PROMOTING PREVENTIVE AWARENESS AND TEACHING A YOUNG/ADULT AUDIENCE TO RECOGNISE AND DOCUMENT THE FIRST RED FLAGS OF ABUSIVE BEHAVIOUR? IF SO, HOW?

Absolutely yes: role-playing once again proves to be the perfect ally for reasoning about real life. In this game in particular, participants are offered a true simulation of the many possible facets of a complex phenomenon such as stalking. Multiple personalities are proposed and the player is required to embody them, acting accordingly. This stimulates the reasoning of both the players tasked with analysing the behaviour and the agent of the behaviour itself, which is an excellent source of active and engaged reflection on what all too often remains invisible and unpunished. If I were to give an assessment of the current situation, the most disturbing issue in my view is that if I were to ask anyone I meet, “What is the phenomenon of stalking?”, they would give me, more or less, a correct definition. However, if these same people were to face a real experience of stalking in the future, they would not recognise it. Why does this happen? Because unfortunately we are rooted in the idea that knowledge is passive and made of definitions. A simulation game would simply be mocked and dismissed as childish or pointless. A deeply mistaken perception: without active stimulation of the mind, the group and reasoning, learning cannot exist. Passivity alone generates only itself, while combining mere theory with role-playing is the key to optimal learning in every field.
In conclusion, a game of this kind can only be beneficial to such an important social cause as the fight against stalking.

• TO BEGIN WITH, COULD YOU DESCRIBE THE PHENOMENON OF STALKING IN PROFESSIONAL TERMS? WHAT ARE ITS DISTINCTIVE FEATURES – IN PARTICULAR, HOW DOES IT DIFFER FROM UNWANTED INSISTENCE OR COURTSHIP – AND WHAT ARE THE MAIN PSYCHOLOGICAL AND SOCIAL CONSEQUENCES FOR THE VICTIM?

Stalking is that set of behaviours and attitudes repeated over time that lead the person who suffers them to modify their life habits and to experience fear and anxiety continuously on a psychological level. Specifically, to answer the question regarding how persistent courtship differs from stalking, changes occur in the victim’s daily habits (if they leave the house to go to work or study at the same time every day, they will change it; if they used to attend a gym, they will change it; if they were used to shopping at a certain supermarket, they will go elsewhere, etc). Obviously, all these changes lead to a psychological state where there is no peace, but fear and anxiety, as the victim lives in a state of constant alert.

• In the process of supporting a victim, how crucial is accurate and detailed documentation of incidents (dates, times, type of contact)? Considering that the game models the accumulation of evidence through Red Flags, in what way can methodical documentation by the victim or social services transform individual ambiguous acts into credible and legally actionable evidence?

Documenting the victim’s reports is fundamental also in legal proceedings and for filing a complaint. Usually, victims present messages on WhatsApp, emails, letters left in the mailbox rather than on the car or motorbike they use. People close to the victims (friends, relatives, colleagues, friends met at the gym, etc.) are also interviewed and can report episodes that occurred in their presence. It is essential that every episode the victim describes is contextualised and indicated with a day, time, and place, because, as previously mentioned, stalking is recognisable when, over time, numerous episodes have occurred.

• What procedures can a social worker activate (e.g. liaising with the police or with anti-violence centers) in Italy in order to trigger a swift intervention? Does the victim always need to file a formal complaint, or are there faster forms of protection (such as a questore’s warning / admonishment)?

During the first interview that a social worker has with a presumed victim of stalking, it is essential to adopt a position of complete listening, also trying to have the victim recount the episodes that occurred over time. In fact, usually, especially during the first interview, victims appear confused, do not remember dates or times, but it is necessary that these are as precise as possible. Let us remember that the stalking victim is living and has lived through a long period in which there is a lot of psychological fragility. Therefore, it is necessary, very calmly, conveying tranquillity and openness, to help the victim go through all those lived experiences, putting them in order. Often, in fact, by the end of the accounts, an escalation of the stalking behaviours compared to the beginning emerges. Once the victim, through the interview with the social worker, has managed to focus on all the episodes, we usually ask them to prepare a written account, also reporting the days, times, and places. The social worker will then put the victim in contact both with anti-violence Associations (for psychological support, and if they also wish, legal support) and with law enforcement to consider filing a complaint. The injunction is issued by the Chief of Police, so eventually, victims should go to a police station to evaluate with an officer whether to file a complaint or attempt the injunction. The latter is usually undertaken if the stalker has no criminal record and if there are no elements that could aggravate their acts (e.g., substance use, psychiatric illnesses, etc).

• The game Talk or Stalk? uses group discussion and collective validation to ANALYSE and RECOGNISE warning signs. In real life, how does the absence of social validation—the fact that the support network dismisses ambiguous BEHAVIOURS as “excessive concern” or “persistence”—hinder the victim from seeking help? And what specific strategies does the social worker use to actively MOBILISE the support network, providing that essential external confirmation needed to overcome MINIMISATION and move forward with the intervention?

In my experience, the family or friendship network has always supported the victim in seeking help; in fact, usually it is the victim who is afraid to expose themselves by recounting what they have suffered or are suffering and also, often, does not want to involve family or friends in order to protect them. In any case, the social worker usually conducts, also together with law enforcement and psychologists, interviews with people close to the victim both for a more precise reconstruction of the facts and to support them as well, as they too have lived and are living a difficult period due to supporting the victim. Often even people close to the victim suffer verbal and other attacks and threats.

• In your work, how difficult is it, from a social-analysis perspective, to distinguish persistent courting from stalking-like behaviour that requires intervention? And what objective criteria or indicators (related more to frequency, pervasiveness, sequence of behaviours, or context—as suggested in the game) does a Social Worker use to trigger an alert and justify intervention, especially when the individual acts are still ambiguous on their own?

The answer to the first question: the victim must have been forced to modify their lifestyle and live in fear and anxiety in a continuous state of alert.

• Talk or Stalk? penalizes incorrect accusations and includes a “negative bluff” mechanic in which a player can win by inducing others to accuse an innocent person. Do you believe this dynamic is useful in raising participants’ awareness of how difficult it is to identify the Stalker, and of the psychological and social harm that can result from unjustly labeling an innocent person as a persecutor (a “false positive”)?

To unmask a stalker, as stated above, it is necessary to collect meticulously many elements over time (tailing, phone calls, messages, sending gifts to the home, …) so, based on objective elements and with an evaluation of the presumed victim’s psychological state, it is not difficult to understand if one is facing stalking.

• IN CONCLUSION, GIVEN THE INTERACTIVE AND NON-JUDGEMENTAL NATURE OF THE GAME, DO YOU BELIEVE THAT A PLAYFUL TOOL LIKE TALK OR STALK? CAN BE EFFECTIVE, COMPARED WITH TRADITIONAL EDUCATIONAL METHODS, IN PROMOTING PREVENTIVE AWARENESS AND TEACHING A YOUNG/ADULT AUDIENCE TO RECOGNISE AND DOCUMENT THE FIRST RED FLAGS OF ABUSIVE BEHAVIOUR? IF SO, HOW?

Yes, I think that Talk or Stalk? could be a fun game in which participants could learn to identify what the tolerable limit is of behaviours suffered from others by identifying both the repetition of behaviours, their possible escalation also in quality, and if the victim has been forced to make changes in their daily routine.